Mia: Shaken Not Stirred
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A dog, a duck and a Chinese menu...
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First song I ever heard...
Stuart Little II dad's hamster...
10 Simple Questions...
If music be the food...
Google must be Democrats...
Feathered Friend Vacations At Club Casa Mia
Book Lovin' Blogs
The Good, The Bad
The Not Too Cute Archives
I dig the writing so much
I'd read their grocery lists
Blogs Me Likey!
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Saturday, October 22, 2005Time to face my fears...
It’s that time of year again. I must deal with my fears. I must head out into the world. In the end my ego will be battered and bruised. I shall face uncertainty. I will hate my body and develop new insecurities but will have a short time to over come them. I will be frustrated and exhausted to the point of tears. I must screw up my courage handle it all with aplomb. The time has come for me to go jean shopping! It’s always the same…
Like a cat on the prowl I hunt for my prey, the ever elusive perfect pair of jeans. Well in this case it’s at least 7 pairs of jeans. This is going to be traumatic however with my two favorite trusty shopping sidekicks by my side I shall not only survive this but I will live to write about it as well! I would never shop without Reina and mom by my side they give me strength!
Shopping for jeans is harder than writing a dissertation. First I’ll try brand X, a little too baggy in the front… Brand Y, oomph! Too tight around the waist, I have this thing about breathing: I enjoy it. Finally brand Z just right! No camel toe, nice fit on the waist, and thighs, not too tight on the money maker. I get down on my knees and thank the almighty lord for this gift from heaven. One pair down, six more to go; I move onto another style of jeans same size, same brand… it’s too big around the waist…here we go again… UGHHHH!!!
I move onto another store; I find some jeans I like and they are within my price range. I don’t wear ten dollar store knockoffs but I am unwilling to spend more on a pair of jeans than what I spend on one of my text books. It’s the principle of the thing. I’m not independently wealthy and Puff Daddy ain’t mailing me no monthly check. Plus it’s not like I see Kimora Simmons sporting a Mia logo on her ass. Oh crap they are low waist! I don’t do the ass crack, thong showing jeans… my butt sits high up on my frame….nope no need to go there with the low waist jeans, after all I am not a plumber. I check out the next store. I love their shirts and shoes! The jeans are something else! They are clubbing/ ghettofabulous, perfect for when you’re shopping for a sugar daddy or auditioning to be a video vixen. I don’t need to call that much attention to myself. All I want is a simple pair of jeans, no baubles, no lace, no pre-made rips, no netting running down the length of the jeans exposing my thighs. On this trip I need something I can wear with anyone of my jackets/blazers and not look like a hooker in training.
I see some bell bottomed jeans with cuffs that are fantastic… I love them, they look great on me but they need to be altered for my height the cuff and bell will be lost by the time they are done hemming it changing the whole look of the jeans, bleech! I’m 4ft 11; I have yet to find one pair of pants that are my length. The closest I’ve come to it are Capri’s; they fit me like jeans on average sized women. Jackets and tops that would fit an average height woman on her waist or just below fit me way longer. I have a butt… things that are meant to be cropped fit me longer and therefore won’t close around my hips due to my ass. Skirts meant to be on the calf come down past my ankles… I look like a kid playing dress up in mommy’s clothes unless I get them altered.
Time to move onto another store… no fitting room; I don’t bother to check out the selection. I don’t bother because I don’t have the time to take back jeans that don’t fit. I’ll leave them in my closet and give them away to either my little sister or my cousin so at least they don’t go to waste.
We will go up and down my borough hunting for stores with changing rooms like a crack head in need of a hit. At least we enjoy each other’s company and will crack jokes, stop for lunch and bond tighter with each other. Sneaker, bags, and jewelry will be brought in addition to other stuff not on my list. Eventually I will come to the successful end of my journey. Pray for me fellow female bloggers, pray. For only another woman can understand the reality show drama that jean shopping can be.
4 comment from: christina/ohio, Aisha, jen, Mia,