My fellow Americans I don’t know about you but I am damn tired of the way our country is being run, therefore I am throwing my sneakers into the presidential arena. I say it’s time for change never mind that I am young, never mind that I am still a student living at home, never mind that I have absolutely no political clout or experience. It is because of these exact reasons that I would make the perfect president. Allow me to explain…
The fact that I am young and inexperienced works in my favor because c’mon let’s face facts the older generation had their chance and all they’ve done is run our country into the ground. What that tells me that when it comes to running this country experience means shit. Unlike the current candidates I am a true maverick. I owe no political favors to no one therefore I can’t be brought or rented.
As a struggling student living at home I know how tight money is and how to budget. No spending a million bucks for a simple Phillips head screw driver here buddy. I shop at Cosco. I know a deal when I see one.
Unless we are threatened on our own turf I don’t want to hear it. You want democracy in your country then you fight for it don’t be calling me for help. I’ve got my own peeps to take care of.
You know who you are. You talk le smack about us yet at the slightest hint of trouble want us to back you up or want to know what we're going to do about said trouble. If we get involved we are called bullies intent on ruling the world. If we ignore it then we are cowards who don't give a crap. We just can't win. My solution to this is as follows next time you talk smack about my country rest assured I’m rolling up in your capital with my vice-president Jackie sans her daily caffeine fix , trust me you don't know what terror is unless you've faced Jackie without her daily java. We will storm your capital posse in tow, cameras running, and beat the snot out of your leader and their cabinet. You want to talk crap then we’re going to handle this the thug way. And once I am done on beating on your ass it will be posted on youtube as a warning to anyone who is tempted to mess with us.
I'm all for it. I believe in a higher power she may differ from yours but I still believe. I will not impose my own religious views on the country. Go on live your life by your own code but do not expect me to make it into law or force it down the throats of other Americans. That means I am pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, pro-equal rights, sex education, and birth control.
Marijuana will be legalized, taxed, and available anywhere cigarettes are sold. The taxes generated can save the social security system. ‘cause you know damn well there are a lot of heads that smoke out there (raises hand). Yes I admit to inhaling, giggling and the munchies.
In conclusion BBQ at the White House every weekend, B.Y.O.B !
I’m Mia and this message has been approved by Mia:Shaken,Not Stirred For President in ’08 Because I Can’t Do Anyworse.