Friday, January 11, 2008

Candy Coated Almonds


A friend of my aunt’s was getting married and the troops were called in at the last minute to help the bride to be. With only one day to go before the wedding she was spazzing. She still had a ton of things to do when she realized that she'd forgotten all about the center pieces for the tables and the guest favors. Our mission was to get those things together for her. Fast. She decided she wanted to fill the guest favors with an assortment of candy and nuts so I headed out to the mall to purchase the candy while the others assembled the center pieces.

There were three candy shops in the mall unimpressed with the selection at the first two so I made my way to the third and found myself in candy nirvana. I’m pretty sure I squealed like a second grader with a bag full of candy on halloween as I took it all in. They had candy coated almonds in every shade of the rainbow plus pastels too. They even had almonds in silver and gold! Bling bling almonds!

Just as I was about to break out into a chorus of "The Candy Man" the bride called, “Mia I forgot to tell you do not buy candy from the Jew’s candy store.” “Why not?” “Because,“ she said, “I’m boycotting Jewish owned businesses.” “Are they anti-Arab?” I asked, “Of course they are! They're Jews!” "But how do you know they're anti-Arab?" "Didn't I just tell you that they're Jews?" I told her that unless she specifically knew that the store owners were pro whatever she was against her boycott made no sense what so ever then it just became a biased issue.She didn’t want to hear it. “I do not want Jewish nuts and candies at my wedding!” she shrieked into the phone. “But it makes no sense…I mean should I boycott all Muslim businesses because of Al Qaeda?” "Now is not the time for your smart assed comments Mia!” and went on to lecture me as to how I should just respect her wishes. Normally I'd tell her off but she was my aunt's friend so I held my tongue. She couldn’t remember the name of the store I wasn't allowed to buy from, she instructed me to find out if the store I was in was Jewish owned.“How the hell do I do that?” I looked around me to see if there were any Star of David wind chimes hanging around the place. “Go ask someone at the register Mia …NOW!” I stared at my phone.

I’ve never been one to take orders. Anyone who knows me will tell you I’m as stubborn as all hell which is why I’d make a terrible soldier. I could’ve done as she asked I mean after all she was the bride but when the elderly yarmulke wearing gentleman with the warm smile approached me and handed me a macadamia nut cookie I couldn’t think of politics or religion. I hit the mute button on and off making it seem as if we had a bad connection and turned off the phone. And then I did what any self respecting Nuyorican female would do I purchased a hundred dollars worth of nuts and candies and made sure each and every one of them was Kosher.

Labels: smartass

Posted by @ 11:19 PM
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