Mia: Shaken Not Stirred

The true life stories of a NYC female.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

The More You Know

One of these days I’m going to learn to keep my mouth shut really I am. Oh man who am I kidding? My BF’s cousin gave just gave birth to a baby and since the BF made puppy dog eyes and asked nicely I accompanied him to visit the fruit of his cousin’s loins. The BF has been on this whole “our kids” kick lately. I'm assuming that he's been inspired by all the people around us dropping babies like it's hot. I've already had to gently remind him a few times that I have no intention of having children until I finish up my grad studies and complete my peace corp goal so he really needs to put those Mia let’s be fruitful and multiply urges on hold for awhile.

Anyhow there we were in the cousin’s hospital room with a crap load of his relatives many of whom I was just meeting for the first time. They’re all ohhhing and ahhhing over the newborn addition to their dynasty when the BF declares out of thin air, “When we have our kid….” I looked up at him as if had sprouted a third eye in the center of his forehead “Umm no time soon of course.” He added and then shot me a nervous smile. “Yeah as I was saying I can’t wait until we have our little one. We will name our little one Guillermo!”

Yeah and this is the moment I wish I could’ve taken back….

I made a silly “as if” face and said….
-Pfffftttt Guillermo?! Whoa now there’s the perfect name for a tricycle riding circus Chihuahua.

In my head I said ha-ha Mia that’s a good one even gave myself a mental high five. The gentle clinking of champagne glasses in celebratory toasts intermingling with laughter and music drifted through the air in l'imagination de club de Mia.“Good one Mia, good one!”

It seems things were going better in my imagination that in real life. The hospital room was so quiet you could hear a hypodermic needle drop...oh crap. Nobody’s laughing, in fact they were all staring at me as if I had farted in front of the pope….back into my mind we go…there’s always a party going on in there …well at least there was until that moment...

The audience stopped laughing. Crickets could be heard chirping in the back ground while a slide trombone mournfully let out a wah-wah-wah-wahhhhhhh.

Josh was speaking again a not too happy look on his face…
-That’s messed up Mia! That’s my grandfather’s name.

Holy Monkey! Now how the hell was I supposed to know that the old man’s name was Guillermo? No one told me. It dawned on me then that I didn’t know his actual name at all. I knew him as “abuelo” (grandfather) or “Josh’s grandfather”. As matter of fact that’s the name that should be listed on his driver’s license that or Grandpa Santiago. I’m assuming his last name is Santiago but looking back on it I’m not certain that it is. Fluck it it sounds about right and until someone tells me different and can prove it he’ll stay Grandpa Santiago.

I sucked in my breath and without missing a beat said, “Oh. Look I’m not saying anything bad about your grandfather. Your grandfather is a lovely man but dude let’s face it the name is hideous."

-It’s Spanish for William.

- Is it really?

I rubbed at the tattoo on the back of my neck and inclined my head to the side as if pondering the secrets of the universe…

-Spanish for William you say? Hmmm. Wow. I had no idea. Seriously I’ve never heard the name before. Ahhh here’s a funny coincidence though tee-hee-hee my father and grandfather are actually named William and it’s my bro’s middle name as well. heh-heh-heh.

The room was still deadly silent.

Great. I’m marrying into a family that has no sense of humor. Wonderfrickinful. The Supremes then took over. That’s what I call the voices of my mind. Allow me to formally introduce you, dear gentle reader.I present to you The Supremes…Conscious, Subconscious, and Superconscious…

-OMG Mia you should’ve kept your mouth shut.

-That was the stupidest thing you’ve ever said.

-There’s always tomorrow.

- You can always do worse tomorrow!

-Ah-ha there’s a goal to aspire to.

-Crap I thought he was joking when he said Guillermo!

-Ay please calm yourself. You didn’t say the Viejo (old man) was hideous, just his name.

Yeah just his name, casi na (almost nothing) why didn't you just crap on him while you were at it?

-You know the cousin doesn’t like you! You just sealed the deal girlie I can just imagine the crap she’s going to talk about you now.

-Ahhh to hell with her you can’t be the owner of her insecurities and jealousy in regards to you.

-Yeah that’s her problem not yours

-Oh yeah and another thing if her man tries to rubbing up on your tats again duff him! (sigh)

The Supremes are a chatty bunch especially when I’m nervous.I tuned them out and brought my focus back to the room particularly the section of floor beneath my feet...

I wished that a hole would suddenly appear beneath my feet out.

freak it it’s worth a shot

Since the blinds were drawn I couldn’t look out into the night sky so my eyes darted around the room for something to make a wish on…

IV pole light, IV pole bright The first IV pole I see tonight, I wish like all hell that I may, I wish like all hell that I might, Have the freaking wish that I wish tonight… Make a hole magically appear and swallow my ass up. Pronto. Please.

I looked at my feet nada. I guess wishes don’t always come true. I cleared my throat and spoke with a Mr. Rogers like enthusiasm…

-Oh look you learn something new every day kiddies! And today I’ve learned that Guillermo means William which is a great thing because the more you know… and then I imitated the music at the end of the NBC “The More You Know” public service commercials.

My BF was the only one that laughed and he laughed until he turned red in the face and tears sprung in his eyes. Yeah man that’s a tough crowd thank God I’ll only be seeing that branch of the family tree during special occasions.

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