Mia: Shaken Not Stirred


The true life stories of a NYC female.

Friday, November 23, 2007

The Weaker Sex


The women on my mother’s side of the family are an intimidating lot. Personally I think it’s something in their genes, the intimidation factor is so much a part of their DNA it’s weaved into their pheromones. Mom feels that it’s due to the fact that historically the women born into the family have always out numbered the men. As a result their women were forced to take on less traditional roles to ensure their survival back in the days when women were dependent on men for their protection. The women in her family are all tough and independent with innate courage and heart to rival any man,mini amazons my father calls them.

A couple of weeks ago I got to see that Amazonian spirit in action. It floored me and made a cop on the scene exclaim, “Shit that bitch is crazy!” while my dad beamed with pride and said, “That's no bitch. That’s my woman.” My woman, my female even though the lables are commonly used within the Spanish language in reference to a man's other half they piss mom off to no end so of course pops made sure mom wasn’t around when he said it.


It started out like an ordinary Friday night. I was in the dining room books and papers stacked up on the table doing research. A few feet away mom was sitting in the living room reading a trashy novel Guay had given her killing time before my dad arrived from work. The silence was broken by a commotion in the hallway near the elevators then it moved away into the hallway to the right of us. There was a knock on the door and mom motioned for me to stay in my seat, “I’ll get it.” She opened the door to find our next door neighbor in the doorway leaning his body backwards to catch the action that was going on down the hall. “There’s a guy beating up on a woman down the hall.”he said nonchalantly as if it were an everyday event. “Are you serious?” As ma stepped out of the door way I made my way next to her. Yup sure enough there was a guy raining haymakers on a woman lying on the floor.

The tiny woman was curled up in a fetal position trying to cover her face. The man alternated between punching her head and kicking her body. She seemed to be bleeding from somewhere but given the distance and her position it was hard to tell where the blood was coming from. Mom looked up at the guy standing in our door way and arched an eyebrow at him expecting him to intervene on the woman’s behalf. He returned her look with a look of his own. One that implied that the days of men rescuing damsels in distress had long passed at least in his book. She looked up at him shook her head and muttered a curse in Spanish that accused him of being a nether region of the female anatomy. She then grabbed the hair thingy from her wrist pulled her then long hair into a ponytail and handed me her earrings. I started to move with her and she pinned me with her stare, “Stay here.”

Two women at the end of the hall were yelling at the man to stop. He ignored them both and pulled his victim up onto her feet by her hair.“Call the police” mom shouted over her shoulder as she ran towards the man. “Get the hell off of her!” She growled as she came within inches of them. He looked up from his victim for a brief second and then punched the woman dead in her eye, he held a knife in the hand that was wrapped in her hair. Her face was a bloody mess it was impossible to tell what she looked like before he'd started the beat down. He then yelled at my mother threatening her as well.The woman was screaming begging for mercy. He threw her back on the floor and put his foot on her chest. Mom shook her head at him and said, "Mierda this is going to get ugly."

I took off running towards my mother at the same instant she'd started running towards me, “Stay here! Don’t make me repeat myself!” she yelled as she pulled me into our apartment with her. She grabbed the heavy dog leash by the door and called my dad’s dog. He hates loud noise, he hates men outside of the family and more importantly his physical presence is intimidating as all hell.“Kane!Mighty Kaneasaurus!”, she called out. I heard Kane ram the heavy doors to our walk-in closet open with his head. It’s his favorite spot in the house. It’s the only place the 100 lb pit bull can stretch out comfortably for a nap undisturbed. “Come here puppy.” In an instant he was by her side wagging his tail rubbing his body against her legs and nuzzling them with that massive head of his nearly knocking her off balance. She rubbed his head, “There’s my good boy.” He shook the sleep out of his head and bowed down in a yoga like stretch as she fastened the leash to his harness. She eyed my brother’s Louisville slugger that was still by the coat closet waiting to be put away.She walked over and grabbed it, testing its weight in her hands.“Alright cabron it’s time for you and I to be formally introduced.” And with that she led the dog out into the hall.

The fur along Kane’s spine shot straight up like some sort of doggie Mohawk. He growled and let out a series of deep barks that vibrated in my ears and chest. Barks so powerful they caused him to rear up on his hind legs, he struggled to get at the man. His eyes normally a pea pod green looked a shade darker. Kane and my father have matching eyes; I know what it means when my dad’s eyes get darker. I imagined it was the same for his dog. Kane was pissed. The leash was released. The man yelled,“Oh shit!” as Kane charged at him. He threw the woman in The Mighty Kaneasaurus‘s path and ran towards the exit several feet away. Kane jumped over the woman effortlessly and with surprising grace reaching the exit door just as it closed in his face. He rammed his body into the door and it swung open slamming into the wall. Ma picked the woman up and handed her off to one of the women and commanded Kane “go home!” slamming the door behind her. Kane had done his job,scared the man into releasing the woman. Now she was going to do hers. Make him pay.

The guy ran down the stairs several feet ahead of her. She flung the bat at him catching him right across his shoulders. The sudden hit caused him to lose balance and he hit the bottom step face first. He was dazed and a little too slow in getting up. She was by his side in an instant reclaiming her bat. He rolled over trying to grab at her and she swung the bat right into his mid-section and then smashed it across one of his knees. He rolled onto his side screaming in pain. She raised the bat as if to hit him again. She kicked him and he groaned. When he tried to sit up she warned him “Stay down cabron or the next one is gonna slam into your head." He stared at the bat and looked into her eyes. I don't know what he saw in her obsidian like eyes but whatever it was it made him stay still.

She laced into him the bat perched over her shoulder ready to swing it at his head if he dared move during her lecture. “Didn’t your mother teach you to respect women?” “A man is NEVER EVER supposed to raise his hands to a woman ever!" The words had a familiar ring to them, of course they're part of her father's "Introduction To Relationships 101" lecture! Maricon! Fucking shit we’re defenseless! We're the weaker sex!” and then she kicked him again this time connecting with his balls. Luckily for the guy the cops arrived with our security guard, the super, and my father in tow just in time to save his ass from my now rabid mother. Lord knows what she would’ve done to the guy. Weaker sex my butt.

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