Tuesday, June 23, 2009

No Touching Allowed


Crystal and I eased into the cab grateful to be out of the Atlanta heat. “Do you know the way to Swinging Richard’s?”, we asked. The cab driver nodded and looked us over. Now what are two nice girls like you going to that den of inequity for ? his expression seemed to say. It was obvious to us he didn't approve of the place.


When we got there the music was pumpin’ and men were a strippin’. Juggling testicles without the use of ones hands by the way is an art form people. The men were great and the crowd was happy. But here’s the thing, after an hour or so you realize all dicks look alike. Seriously they do. Some may be slightly bent, bigger, darker, pinker, but in the end they all look alike. Women’s bodies have more variety to them. Now I know why the masters painted so many women nude in comparison to men. As this thought ran through my head I felt a hand on my ass. The hand palmed my cheek and gave it a good squeeze.

I whirled around with my fist raised. The only thing that kept me from punching the ass grabber in the face was the fact that he was an employee of the club. Somewhere in the back of my mind I recalled being told that the dancers were gay but I wasn’t too certain if that was true. If I had been 100 % certain that he was straight this story would have had a different ending. It would have been a repeat of the last time a stranger grabbed my ass. I decided to give this guy the benefit of the doubt and not deck him. Besides I thought the owner of the club is a friend of one of the Moning Maniacs I was meeting that night. I lowered my clenched fist and let it drop to my side.

“What the hell…excuse me what do you think you’re doing? ” I asked.

The ass grabber grinned at me, “You’ve got a great ass!”

“Thanks. “ I replied, “but at least introduce yourself before you start grabbing! Say hi or something!” He threw his head back and laughed.

“It’s really firm, hard to pinch.”

It’s hard to stay mad at someone who is complementing your ass. I’m saying if anyone is qualified to know what counts as a great ass it’s a gay guy right?

“Yeah well people have been known to bounce change off it.” I joked.

He smiled again and said "Hi" and then introduced himself to me. Unfortunately I didn’t catch his name. I noticed his nipple rings were gleaming. He must polish them I thought. Mines never gleamed like that. I was just about to ask him to repeat his name when he made a move to grab my ass again. I raised my hand in warning, “Uh- uh don’t do that again. I was told that the patrons aren’t allowed to touch the staff here. So if we’re not allowed to touch the staff then the staff isn’t allowed to touch the patrons.”

He laughed again and with his body language seemingly invited me to touch him. I shook my head no but it didn't stop him from making another grab for my ass. “Don’t do that.” I said. He frowned for a second and realized I was serious. He threw his hands up in defeat and laughed giving me a huge smile before disappearing into the crowd.

Labels: bar stories, machalo

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