Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Saddam, Clark and crusty underwear...



Stop the world I wanna get off and bitch slap a couple of people. Let’s start with Saddam Hussein. My Aunt Nora calls me today and tells me,”Quick, quick put on the Arabic channel Saddam Hussein that crazy bastard is flipping out in court!” I reminded Nora that we don’t have the Arabic channel and that a more news worthy event concerning Hussein would be the day when he doesn’t actually have a tirade in court.

Everyday since this trial began the man has bitched and moaned about something. Just to make her happy because after all she is my beloved Aunt Nora. I turn on CNN and there I see that crazy son of a beach Hussein tripping yet again. This time he is ranting and raving about his crusty underwear, it seems he hasn’t been allowed to exercise, shower, and change of clothing in three days. Wtf?! Hello Saddam welcome to the life of the incarcerated where a shower is not a daily thing. Why are you beefing about not being allowed exercise time? Weren’t you complaining on Monday about having to walk up 4 flights of stairs because the elevators were broken? Consider that your work out for the week… it’s the stair master.

On Monday Saddam was bitching about not having a pen, his pen had been taken away. I’m guessing the pen had magic powers ‘cause lord knows in a room full of lawyers no one would have had a pen to loan him to sign some papers. Trust me Saddam your pen was confiscated for a reason. They were probably afraid someone in the gallery would jump your ass and stab you in the eyeball with your own pen. Then he complained about being guarded by foreigners. Saddam my man be grateful it was foreigners and not the Shiites guarding your crusty ass,I doubt you’d make it to court then.

The judge has the patience of a kindergarten teacher in a classroom full of hyperactive kids on ice cream sundae day. "I will alert them to the problem," Judge Amin said in response to Hussein’s complaints. "Don't alert them! Order them. You are an Iraqi, you are sovereign and they are invaders, foreigners and occupiers," Saddam barked at the judge. See what I mean about having patience? God bless him, I would have kicked Hussein in the nut sack already.

In today’s session people who had been tortured under his regime testified and at one point Saddam interrupted a victim’s testimony to talk about the man of the hour; surprise, surprise Saddam Hussein! He complained of his own conditions in detention. Psssttt Saddam sometimes it ain’t all about you son…feel what I’m saying? He complained that the court had time to listen to the witnesses' complaints "but does anyone ask Saddam Hussein whether he was tortured? Whether he was hit?" He wanted the judge to investigate his conditions because "it is your duty as judges to investigate the crime at its scene." Actually it’s his duty as a judge to charge Saddam with contempt and remove him from the court room and get a clerk to trip him on the way out. "I live in an iron cage covered by a tent under American democratic rule. You are supposed to come see my cage," he told the judge. Maybe he was hoping the judge would feed him peanuts through the bars of his cell. "Please, Mr. Judge, do not accept any insult to Iraq. It doesn't matter if he insults Saddam Hussein, because the Americans and the Zionists want to execute Saddam Hussein. What does the execution of Saddam Hussein matter? He has given himself to Iraq from the day he was at school and has been sentenced to death three times already. Saddam Hussein and his comrades are not afraid of execution.” WTF?! Don’t you just love how he talks about himself in the third person? He reminds me of 50 cent the rapper “ I been shot 9 times!” Don’t ya just love the way he felt free to speak for his homies? I can just imagine his co-defendants eyes opening wide up thinking,”STFU fool speak for yourself!”

When the judge tried to adjourn court Saddam got irked because he wanted more time to talk,"I will not return," Saddam yelled. "I will not come to an unjust court! Go to hell, you agents of America!" and as he did this he stomped his wittle feet and held his breath until he turned blue. Good for you Saddam! Don’t return, stay in your cell scratching your ass in your crusty under wear! The trial will move along much faster that way and my aunt can watch her Arabic soap operas in peace.

This followed yesterday’s circus in which an ever defiant Saddam tried to take control of the trial… you know how that goes you can remove a the dictator from power but ya can’t remove the illusion of power from a dictator. At one point Saddam stated, “I am not afraid of execution” and denouncing the trial run according to “American rules.” Why is this man allowed to have outbursts in court like that? Put a gag in that mans mouth already… surely someone in that place must have a spare roll of duct tape lying around! And another thing can someone pleaseeeeeeeee explain to me what wtf is our old crazy ass former US Attorney General Ramsey Clark doing there? Who does he think he is the lone ranger? Why is he a part of the defense team especially when you consider that many of Saddam’s defense attorneys don’t want him there? Shouldn’t this man be somewhere making an ARP commercial or golfing? Clark’s reasoning for being there is that He doesn't think Saddam Hussein can get a fair trial in Iraq. Clark thinks that the only way Saddam gets a fair trial is if the Iraqis aren't involved in the prosecution. WTF?! Aren’t you supposed to be judged by a jury of your peers in a trial or have I been misinformed all these years?

Labels: news items

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