Friday, May 06, 2005

Mom and The Mormon

Awhile ago I wrote about my grandfather being a smart ass, well it seems that his daughter, my mom inherited the trait as well…

My mom had just finished the housework and was about to sit down and have a cup of coffee and a croissant with my grandfather, when the door bell rang.

On the other side was a small platoon of Mormons, the head Mormon was a white lady holding a clip board. When she saw my mom she said, “Buenos Dias, Feliz Cinco De Mayo ! Eres la senora Suarez?” and showed my mom the clip board with what seemed to be the whole neighborhood’s Hispanic population listed on it. My mom gave her the raised eyebrow look and was about to tell the Mormon she spoke English when the lady seemed to be possessed by the ghost of Spanish Past. Her Spanish was HORRIBLE !
For some odd resaon she thought that adding an "O" at the end of every English word magically transformed it to Spanish! She didn’t let my mom get in a world in edgewise. She asked if she could come inside because she wanted to talk to my mom about God’s plan for her. My mom let her in thinking "this should be fun".The lady kept talking Spanish to my mom assuming that my mother spoke no English. So my mom played along. Mom offered her a a cup of coffee and a croissant… and the lady replied (in Spanish) that she LOVES Spanish food. My mom looked at her like she was stupid and replied (in Spanish), “ "Oh how wonderful we Puerto Ricans are extremely proud of the fact that we invented the croissant!" The Mormon had no clue that my mom was pulling her leg. The Mormon sat down and began talking about her church and their mission in the neighborhood. Her spiel was interrupted by the ringing of the phone, it was my dad calling to check in on my mom, “ Hey hon, nothing much just sitting here listening to this Gringa massacre Spanish , by the way she wished us happy Cinco de Mayo , I dunno I guess we all look alike to her.. I’ll call you back in a few love ya too.” The Mormons jaw was on the floor she got all flustered and tells my mom (in English), “Why didn’t you tell me you spoke English?”, “You never asked if I did. You saw my last name and assumed I didn’t” and then the Mormon attempting to patronize my mother exclaims, “You speak it so well!!” adding a big toothy cheesy smile at the end. My mom replied, “I should hope so considering I was born and raised in this country and my parents were raised here as well.” and flashed an equally cheesy smile at the Mormon. The Mormon then told my mom, “ I just love your culture.” And my mom replied, “Really? What do you like about it?” The Mormon was looking mighty uncomfortable when my mom added, “ By the way I’m Boricua, a Puerto Rican we don’t celebrate Cinco de Mayo and we didn’t invent croissants I believe the French did… but thanks anyway.”

The Mormon became became flustered and asked my mom if she would be interested in having someone from the church come by and talk to her. My mom replied, “No thanks and please for the love of all that is holy do not attempt to ever speak Spanish again. What you did to my language is a sin and should be illegal, not to mention insulting.!” and with that showed her to the door.

Labels: Embarassing Moments, religion

Posted by @ 6:39 PM
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