Wednesday, April 20, 2005

The Story of The Dick Spray

My uncle Hassan is a generous man, whenever his friends ask him for a favor he can’t say “NO”. The thing is that this will often create little “situations” for my aunt Nora because more of than not she’s the one that has to do the running around in order for Hassan to keep his word. With this in mind I give you the story of The Pinga Spray aka The Dick Spray.

Hassan has a friend in Egypt who is older and married to a much younger woman.
The man has a problem with maintaining an erection and premature ejaculation, but he’s a horny bastard so he looks for solutions to his problem and Hassan's help has been enlisted. There’s a store in the nieghborhood that sells a little bit of everything; gum, cigarettes,phone cards, and sex stuff. Hassan went in one day and scored he found something to help his penile challenged friend. However the guy behind the counter thought it was for Hassan and Hassan got flustered embarrassed and offended all at the same time, so he’s not going back in there anytime soon.
I can’t remember the name of the product but it had a chick “riding” a guy on the label. I dubbed it “The Pinga Spray”… (pinga is Spanish slang for penis) Hassan purchased a few bottles and took it with him to Egypt and gave it to his friend.
The man loved it! He used it all up, and wanted some more.

This is where me and Nora come into the story. Hassan calls her up and tells her that he needs more of the spray. Here’s the thing though Nora isn’t about to go into the store to buy it in her Muslim garb, she’s embarrassed. She doesn't want them to think "pinga spray" everytime they look at her when she goes in to buy a phone card. The solution was to ask my dad to see if he could get it where we live or around his job because my dad is not about to head out to Brooklyn just to get some Dick Spray. My dad asks around his job but it’s like 3 times as expensive as in Brooklyn and it’s not sold in my neighborhood. Now it fell on me to go buy the damn dick spray. I was spending the night at Nora’s and as soon as the sun went down we went out in search of the dick spray. I walk into the store in my PJ pants and explain to the guy behind the counter what I was looking for. He gave me a weird look and reaches behind the counter placing a bottle of pinga spray onto the counter. I pick it up and look at it and tell him that this wasn’t the one, the one I was looking for had a chick riding a guy on the label. He disappears into the back for a minute and brings the brand I was looking for. I tell him I need 6 bottles, and needed to know how much it was per case and how many came per case…. he looks at me standing there in my pj pants and asked if I was having a party. By this time I got a mini crowd of guys looking my way intrigued by my supply of dick spray on the counter.

I imagined the counter guy thought that I ran out of my house in the middle of an orgy, or perhaps that I worked in some bordello, and needed it for the customers. Maybe because I was specific about the brand I wanted I gave him the impression that I was some type of dick spray connoisseur. Maybe he'll recommend it to other customers since I purchased so much of it and insisted that it had to be the one with the chick riding the guy on the label. I imagined him telling future customers in his accent, "You know I had a young lady come in here and purchase this in mass quantities because it is such a good product... 3 out of 4 Latinas prefer this pinga spray...will keep you hard for a long, long time!", and then there'd be a crowd of horny little men clamoring for bottles of dick spray with the chick riding the guy on the label. The imagination is a very fertile place when you’re standing in the middle of a sex shop at night money in hand, in your jammies with a large supply of dick spray waiting to be rung up. As I left the shop I could feel the eyes of the men inside following me. They strained their necks trying to see where I was going. I jumped into Nora’s car and we burnt rubber, laughing hysterically as I relayed my story to her.

I was told that my uncle Hassan would probably be introducing me to the man who needed the dick spray. I can’t remember his name right now, but it doesn’t really matter because Nora and I had a signal for him. Whenever his name came up we’d do the pumping action of a finger on a bottle of spray. I had to carry the dick spray in my luggage when I went to Egypt. I thought it was funny me carrying dick spray across international borders… I prayed that customs didn’t decide to open up my bag in front of people and hold up the bag of dick spray for all to see in the airport.

The dick spray and I arrived unscathed and I hear the man and I imagine his young wife were thrilled to recieve it.My uncle Hassan still has no idea that it was me the purchased the dick spray for his friend I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have approved of me going into the store.

Labels: dick spray

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