Mia: Shaken Not Stirred


The true life stories of a NYC female.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Wasn't the humping chihuahua enough?


I recently wrote about how the script of my life seems to be a sitcom to the higher powers that be. I present to you another slice….


I’d just washed my hands and turned the bathroom door knob to get out. The door wouldn’t open. I jiggled the door knob …nada…I pulled on the door… still nada. The door wouldn’t open. The same thing had happened to me yesterday but after a little jiggling and giggling the door opened. My dad promised to replace the bathroom lock during the weekend. I jiggled the door knob again ….zip…oh man this wasn’t looking good...

Mia: Ma?

My mom was out there I had passed her on my way to the bathroom. She’d get me out of this. She did it yesterday after having a nonstop giggling fit.

Mia: Ma? Ma? Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?!!!

Nothing. She must be on the other side of the apartment. I remembered my little sister Caity was home….

Mia: Caity?

Nothing. I know she’s there I can hear the TV on in her room. She’s watching videos. Her room is directly across a few feet away from our bathroom…..Damn heffa is probably ignoring me waiting until her favorite video finished. I’m gonna kill that kid one day….so help me jeezus a soon as I find a place to dump her body it is so on!

Mia: Caity? Woooo hoooo Caity…. CAITLIN!!!

sigh. I need to get out of here. Cleo, cleo is on the other side of the door! Aha my trusty side kick will help me.

Mia: Cleo go get mommy. Go get mommy Cleo.

I feel her jumping on the door trying to get to me. No no no go get MY MOMMY…you know Lassie makes it look like a piece o’ cake on those old re-runs. She’s such a good girl.

Mia: Cleo go get Maggie..Maggie Cleo go get Maggie!

I hear her scurrying away. For all I know she’s using the opportunity that I’m locked in the bathroom to chase one of the cats. I bang my head on the door…why why whyyyy me lord wasn’t the humping Chihuahua last night enough? Just then I spot my phone on the sink. Oh my phone my precious precious phone I will call my mommy! I hear the house phone ringing…nothing..nada…no one is picking it up…not even that phone vulture Caity…I swear the kid can hear the phone ringing from a block away. I’ve been locked in the bathroom for about 5 minutes by now. Oh my gawd where is my mom, did she go out? I try call out again

Mia: Maaaaaaa?! MOMMY!!!...MOMMY!!!! MA-HA-MEEEEEE! MA-HA-MEEEEE!


Caity: Mia? Where are you?


Mia: I press my face against the door I’m in the bathroom Caity.

Caity: what are you doing in there?

Mia: I’m stuck. The door won’t open.

Caity laughs. Yeah Im gonna kill this kid

Caity: Hold up I’ll get you out.

she tries jiggling the door knob, pushing the door nothing seems to be working.

Mia: Caity where’s ma?

Caity: She’s in the other bathroom taking a shower.


Mia: Please go get her.

Caity is gone for a minute or so. She comes back with a message from mom she’ll be here in a second as soon as she gets dressed. In the meanwhile Caity continues to try to get the door open. She tries to kick it open.

Mom: Mia I’m here baby step away from the door I’m going to try to push it in honey.

My mom places her hand on the door knob and starts giggling nothing big a small chuckle. The more she tries to open the door the harder she laughs the looser her grip…the harder she laughs it’s a vicious cycle. She cant get the door open because she is laughing so hard.


Mom: Hmmm this isn’t budging sweetie. I’ll be right back I’m going to get a screw driver I have to take this knob off.

She then dissolves into another fit of hysterical laugher. Angela comes in and between gasps my mother explains to her what’s going on. Angela starts to laugh as well. Mom took apart the door knob but the latch wouldn’t come out it was stuck. My mother peeked into the hole and saw me. This made her laugh even harder.

Mom: Mia…buahahahah…Mia…buahahaha….ohhhh shit…Mia….oooooh ooohhh shit oh shit…buahahahah…Ohhhh my Mia Mia I can’t breathe…buahahahaha! Ayyy ayyyy dios mio! My sides ouch ouch my sides it hurts too much ayyyyy buahaha hahaha …ayyyy carajo!

by this time everyone is laughing along with my mom including me we’re all laughing so hard we’re crying. Angela falls on the floor from laughing so hard. My uncle hearing my mother runs in thinking something was wrong with her. He checks out the situation and begins laughing too. Oh yeah one big happy family. My mom holds up the dismantled door knob she’s gasping for air holding her sides trying to tell my uncle what was going on. He peeks through the hole in the door where the door knob had been…

Uncle: Hi ia.

Mia:I wave weakly I’m stuck.

Uncle: So I’ve heard.

Mom: still laughingOhhhhhhhhh shit oh my god…ohhhh man I can’t breathe… my chest…oh man this is great… buahahahahahaaaaaa…


my uncle slides his drivers license in the door jamb trying to get the latch to release it’s grip. It doesn’t work. This makes my mother laugh even harder. She puts her face up to the door knob hole


Mom: Mia? Ayyy you’re okay sweetie?


I put my face in front of the hole

Mia: Yeah ma I am

Mom: You may not be making it to school today….and begins to laugh hysterically again… Caity…. caity get me the camera I need a picture of this!

my sister handed my mom the camera I was still bending over my face in front of the hole that the door knob once called home. I didn’t think she would actually do it but she did the woman took a picture of me in between laughing. (see photo on top)

Mom: Are you crying nena? Porque are your eyes swollen?

Mia: From all the laughing. I was crying from all the laughing. Now I know where I get that crazy laugh from.

I guess the thought that I had been crying because I was locked in the e bathroom was too much for her. She felt really bad for me because all of a sudden she turns and tells my uncle to kick the door in…

I was locked in that damn bathroom for about 25 minutes. When my dad came home my mom told him the story and showed him the photo. Now it was his turn to laugh.

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Posted by @ 4:59 PM
8 comment from: Blogger Jane, Blogger The Krispy Dixie, Blogger Emory, Blogger Mia, Blogger don_veto, Blogger DannieS72, Anonymous Anonymous, Blogger Mia,