Monday, September 05, 2005

Raising Kids, Teenagers and Sex : The Talk


Per usual I was over at Miss Mabrouk’s place,she’s going to have start charging me rent soon and read an article on teen pregnancy in a Ohio high school. After stating her opinion "When confronted by tragic news like this, I'm so pleased I live in a Muslim society. Put it in a larger perspective: the culture, the attitudes, the freedoms, the fostering - all contributing factors together result in two words: child abuse.” Ritzy posed a valid question “Or should the blame fall only on this girl - and the 63 other who are pregnant at this early age?"It is this question that inspired today’s post. There will be those who disagree with me citing the increase in the nationwide growth of abstinence-based programs. In Ohio, the Bush's administration and the state's health department have awarded $32 million in grants to Ohio agencies for abstinence education since 2001. Meanwhile funding for programs that are geared towards providing sexual education and free condoms as well as birth control advice have been cut.
Talk about hiding one’s head in the sand! The fact is teenagers are not going to stop having sex just because free access to condoms is kept from them. Parents have to step up to the plate and talk with their kids, open lines of communication. A big problem in this country is that we’re always looking to blame someone for something. It’s the school’s fault, it’s the government’s fault, this is a mantra I am sick of hearing when it comes to teen pregnancy. I always tell parents to take a look in the mirror b/c that’s the person they should be blaming.


The time to open the lines of communication is not when they are teenagers, it’s when they are small children. Don’t be afraid to talk to your kids. If you’re proud of them for the tiniest thing let them know. They need this! All of this contributes to their self esteem and a teenager who has a positive self image is less likely to put themselves in bonehead situations. As a child my mother would often compliment me on the smallest things and it made a big difference on how I perceived myself. For example at 8 years old I started writing short stories. Looking back now they were horrible, but you know what? My mom would read them and discuss them with me saying things she liked the way I described the girls dress or she liked the way it ended. She never talked down to me. As I got older she would involve me in family decisions saying she trusted my judgment. What did this do for me you ask? It made me a confident person, I am not a follower I have always trusted my own judgment in matters and never felt the need to crumble under peer pressure.

When I got my first serious boyfriend my mother stepped up to the plate and had “the talk” with me. I already knew about how babies were made thanks to sex education but my mother opened a door for me so that if the time ever came that I wanted to be sexually active I would know what my options were and could come to her. She even took me to a doctor had them prescribe birth control for me and talk to me about the long term effects on my body and reproductive system that having sex at a young age caused. Her attitude was that she would rather have me informed, protected and know what was going on rather than have me sneaking around getting pregnant and then hiding a belly or worse. Did her actions cause me to run around having sex like it was going out of style? No actually it stopped me from having sex; it made me take my time because now I was aware of all the responsibility that went along with it. When my two younger brothers got to the age where girls were calling the house for them my parents had the very same talk with them as well. My father then purchased a box of condoms and put it out it in an area that was accessible to them. And no my brothers didn’t go out and have sexapolooza, they also waited until they were older and ready. Why? Because they were informed and respected the girls they were dating enough to wait. There are those that would argue that my parents were permissive but I disagree. My parents were being realistic and remembering what it was like to be a teenager with raging hormones. They wanted to ensure that none of us would be making them grandparents before we were all ready for the responsibility that it entailed. Unfortunately a lot of parents aren’t like that. They think that by discussing sex with their children that they are sending the message that they are granting the kids permission to go out and boink. I have news for parents they are going to do it regardless. It’s up to you if you want them to go out there ignorant or educated. It’s up to you to educate your children to teach them the difference betweenfacts and myths so that they can make informed choices. They may surprise you once you open up them lines of communication. From a 2000 study on teen pregnancy comes the following “It has been found that teens who have a good relationship with their parents are less likely to experience a pregnancy. Good communication between parents and their children is the key to ensuring children make the right decisions when it comes to their sexual activity. Education is also vitally important in helping youth know about their options when it comes to sex. Teaching teens about using contraception each and every time they have sex is imperative to healthy sexual relationships.”

Kids are not going to stop having sex just because they are taught that abstinence is the safest venue when it comes to sex. Hormones don’t want to hear that crap.
The fact that so many kids do get pregnant should be telling society something. However I don’t excuse the kids either. We’re not living in the dark ages. They should know better. They know how babies are made, that much is at least covered in schools even with no formal sex education classes. It is covered in science class when they study human anatomy and the reproductive system. If your school doesn’t have a program where they have free condoms break down and buy some. It will cost you less than a meal at Mickey D’s and will keep you safe. Do the research before you have sex. Girls do not leave the birth control decisions up to your partner. Most boys will give 1001 excuses for not using a condom. Bottom line it’s your life, your body and your future that will be the most effected by an unwanted pregnancy. Guys respect the girl enough to carry one with you or to wait until you have some. Can’t wait? Well then say hello to Palmela or Handrietta, at least you can’t get your hand pregnant or get an STD from it. Hairy palms and the loss of your vision is another thing, I kid children, I kid.

The article I read asked the following:
Are teens getting appropriate sex education? Do they have access to birth control and are they using it consistently? It’s not just about sex education it’s about providing them with free birth control. Birth control they can get without their parents consent. Because honestly I doubt there has ever been a child who has asked their parent, “Mommy may I have sex with Tommy?” Teenagers need to know that they can get free birth control and birth control advice from somewhere. They need to know it won’t get back to their parents. This won’t encourage kids who never thought about having sex before into doing it but it will encourage kids who practice unsafe sex to go in and get what they need so they don’t become another statistic. If you give it they will come and use it consistently if they know their parents won’t find out.

Has the stigma of unwed motherhood lost its edge?” Thankfully yes it has! But that’s not the reason kids are getting knocked up. Please refer to what I’ve written for the answer to that. That’s the reason so many career aged women are having kids despite being solo.

Bottom line people teenagers should know as much about sex and birth control as they do about their computers, Ipods, and Play Stations and parents shouldn’t be afraid, embarrassed or so entrenched in their support of abstinence that they don’t talk to their children about what may be a life changing decision, “Babies born to teen mothers tend to have a lower birth weight, have a higher risk of suffering from abuse or neglect and tend to perform poorly in school. Only a small number of teen mothers are likely to complete high school and even fewer will go on to higher education. Teen mothers are also more likely to end up on welfare. “ If you’re a kid reading this don’t become part of the statistics you have options, use a condom each and every time! If you’re a parent, do your kid and yourself a favor sit down and talk. You loved them enough to take them this far,so swallow your pride and talk! Help them continue of the path you’ve set for them by giving them the information that they need.

Labels: sex

Posted by @ 4:28 PM
3 comment from:  Jewaira,  Mia,  Equalizer,